Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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