He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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