well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
