i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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