Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
