I have demons in me.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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