Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
