i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
