My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
