is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
