We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
