I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
