YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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