toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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