drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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