i jhust puked up my retainher.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We have so much sex to catch up on
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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