It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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