My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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