the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
