I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
