dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
