please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
