It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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