i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
