my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
