Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
