We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
