come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
