Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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