Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
