It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
