It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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