Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
