Will you blow on my dice?
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
