yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
