so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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