i jhust puked up my retainher.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
