My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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