I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
