Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
