Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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