I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
