Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
