a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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