so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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