I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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