Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
