Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
