Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
