i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
